Prelude to the Blog makeover

I felt like writing something. Its been a long time and moreover this blog is nothing but my nonsense thoughts. I mean, yes, it is exactly so. Take for instance some blogs where people discuss technical matters, this error occurred and I did this and that and poof!! the errors' gone. Some people write blogs on technical gadgets, giving their views, some people put up their photography skills on display, some people put up tutorial pages in their blogs and those are the ones that really help others. Yes, its true. I have myself got many of my computer bugs fixed through posts in one blog or the other. I have bookmarked many such websites where there are useful links, posts, images, directions, helps etc. And compare those blogs to this one. Sheer waste of google's space. Its just to feed my fantasies. Its just a consolation. Just a time-pass when I think I am a good writer and I had to vent out something somewhere to prove that I am a good writer. Trust me, I read my own articles many times and I like it but I am afraid if other would think so. Moreover I don't expect to show off my writing skills even if I have any. There are some people who publish their blogs to friends in the hope to garner some appreciations for their writing skills, show off. I ain't like that at all. I can live my life writing anonymous posts no matter how good they are.

From now on I have decided to make this blog useful to atleast someone. I think I have some computer knowhow, programming knowledge, software understanding etc. Time and again I bump into something interesting, like some interesting piece of code, some unknown shortcuts, tricks, some error handling solutions etc. So one can look forward to this blog for that. I think once I start my industrial experience, I'll be in a better position to put quality stuffs here.

Plus I like travelling alot. And I like planning before I decide on visiting any place. In that way, I can put up my travel itinerary here and the reason why I took this route, some suggestions for others, feedbacks to future travelers.

Apart from that, I take interest in photography also. So I'll try to put up snaps of the beautiful places I have been to. One step towards the same is the "Collections" series of post at this blog.

I am an avid reader of books also. I'll try publish my book reviews (completely unbiased, totally my own views).

Did I mention I am a movie worm? Yeah, I am a Hollywood movie freak and not only movies but take interest in watching documentaries also. I used to watch lots of Bollywood movies also but as I grew more and more acquainted to Hollywood, I kinda lost interest in Hindi movies. You don't have to worry about that. The Bollywood movies are all nothing but cheap remake of Hollywood ones and they are pathetic, trust me. Except for a few ones, Hindi movies these days are nothing but waste. And the few good ones that I am talking about, won't miss their spot on this site.

And of-course obvious is the the usual nonsense thoughts and everyday happenings that I have been putting in here till now.

--Goldy

part time = party time

Its been 9 months since coming to US and I haven't had a part time. Not any more!

There used to be a time when people were coming to US, completing their studies and everything and not spend a single dime from their pocket. All expenses, assistantships, funding and all provided by the University. Although the same doesn't happen anymore but there are some people who have this luxury. Others are spending, sometimes complete expenses, from their own. I was kinda in between. University paid 40% of my tuition, but I had to pay for the rest 60% of my own. I had to take an education loan for the same. So it was very very important for me to get a part time job here atleast to take care of my living expenses.

I tried hard during the initial days of my University, going through departments, stores etc and putting up an application wherever I could. As the days passed by, I kinda slowed down on my hunt. Partly because I wasn't getting any reply what so ever, and partly because my enthusiasm was dying. Moreover it frustrated me when some of my friends got into one or the other.

Come spring, and I realized a lot of my senior friends will be graduating this term and many of them had part times so why not ask them for some push. There is one guy from Bhubaneswar here, Sandeep, very nice chap and down to Earth. He was employed at the bookstore. He had helped me alot when I was new here, taking me to the Banks, completing formalities etc etc. I always used to consult him regarding University matters since he has been here for a year now and knows more or less everything about the University activities. I asked him if he could refer me to the Bookstore guys for hiring. He readily agreed and said to contact him again in the first week of April, when he will put up my name to the authorities.

Come April, I emailed him and asked to let me know when to come down to the store so that he can introduce me to his superior. He said it is not necessary for me to come down now. He said he will tell his manager about me and I can go and meet Mr. Tucker in 2-3 days and ask for service letter.

I paid a visit to Mr Tucker after 3 days. I told him that I am friend of Sandeep and that he told me to come down here and check if there are any positions open. The guy told me there are no positions open now and that I should see him in 1-2 weeks. I let him know that I don't have an SSN, and that it would be another 2 weeks before I can actually start working. He told me he can't issue me service letter unless he hires me for any position.

Anyways, I met him again after a week. This time he told me he can hire me right away only if I have an SSN. This was a shock for me. I was so very disappointed. I told him atleast give me a service letter now so that I'll apply for SSN and in 2 weeks I am good to go for the job. But he told me its a strict policy in the bookstore to mention SSN info before hiring anyone so he can't even offer me a position unless I have an SSN.

Now I am in a loop. Its like a dog chasing his own tail. I can have SSN only when I have a service letter, i.e he hires me for any position and he can hire me for a position only when I have an SSN. Now my head is spinning. I went to the International Center and they told me I can still work if I don't have SSN but I'll be paid only after my SSN arrives. I told the same to Tucker that atleast now let me fill in the position, I'll start working and apply for the SSN in the meantime and he doesn't have to worry about paying me for this time. To this he said they have policy they can't hire people unless they have SSN, so its the same story altogether.

I was so dejected. I had lost all hopes of this job. It was my time-pass for the long summer break, apart from the loads of studies. Seeing me so sad, Tucker told me to come around July and he will see what he can do but we both knew its a consolation. Even though I get a job in July, my summer is wasted, the time when I could have put in 40hrs of work per week (unlike 20 hrs during semester) and earned double money so that I need not take loan money anymore.

Tucker: Come in July and we will see what we can workout. You will be working alongside Sandy. Do you know Sandy?

I thought Sandy is some software the store uses to manage operations.

Me: Well, it will take me no time to know that. But I was banking heavily on this job now. I was thinking I'll be replacing Sandeep since he will be leaving this job soon.

Tucker: You know Sandy?

Now I realized he is referring to Sandeep by Sandy.

Me: Yes. I know him pretty well. He is the one who referred me for this job.

Tucker: Yeah. He once told me he referred one person for this position. Are you the one?

Me: Yes. I am the one he referred.

Tucker: Well then let me have a talk with Sandy tomorrow. Does he have your number?

Me: Yes. He has.

Tucker: Thats better. Let me talk to him on this tomorrow and you can expect a call from him sometime tomorrow.

Me: Sure. Thanks!

Then I left. It made me think. I was now sure that he didn't realize before that I am the one that Sandy referred. He must have been thinking something else when I told him I am a friend of Sandeep, may be he didn't pay attention to this statement or may be he did but it didn't strike him of any importance. Why does he care if I am a friend of 'xyz' or 'abc'? But the conclusion to be drawn here is that there was a communication misunderstanding that led to a week's delay. The next day, Sandeep called and told me to meet Tucker on Monday and he will give me the letter. I was so jubilant. Better be late than never.

On Monday I got the letter, took the application form from the International Center and applied for an SSN on the same day. Its a matter of days before I start earning some dough. One step towards my ultimate goal.

Before I wrap up this, I must thank Sandeep a thousand times for this opportunity. It would not have been possible without his help. Thanks man!

cheers....

The friends I have been with

One type of people we treasure the most are our friends. Atleast for me, my friends have always been special for me. So I thought to take a moment's time from my life and cherish the memories of some of the fascinating people I have crossed roads with.

When I was in school, apart from some of the hot chick's faces, I distinctly remember my happy times with two of my best friends there. One's name was Sudhamshu Ghode and another Abhijit Nayak. Ghode had more of a tamed animal's personality and I enjoyed bossing around with him. I used to ride on his back(his name signifying the same is ironic) most of the time and he would whole heartedly agree without ever protesting. It was more of demanding and serving friendship between us and I was always won over by his servitude. I never used to bring my lunch box to school and so I would always devour on Ghode's. Moreover, everybody in the class used to like him for his free manners. Ghode left the school in 7th or 8th grade and our friendship too. But unlike Ghode's, my friendship with Abhijit lasted till 12th grade. We were bound to become best buds since we had been in the school from 1st grade, if I remember correctly. I am still in touch with him although very rarely we exchange greetings. But nonetheless he still holds respect in my heart. Nadu, as we used to call him fondly, had a typical attribute in his body language. His body always had this motion, or vibration thing attached to it. Yes, his body was always moving, very slightly ofcourse but distinct enough. And he used to drool alot too. I mean, he never had this control over his saliva, that in the middle of some arguments over some problems in mathematics, while explaining, some saliva would suddenly come out of his mouth. Nadu, the name was derived from this act of his only. Although when we were young, we took pride in mentioning each other and to the world that we are best friends of each other. I don't know if during the later part of the school he had the same feeling or not, since we kinda matured and behaved like adults, had friendly arguments often, went to different coaching centers etc, but he still remains my best friend of my school. We both might have changed from what we used to be in 6th grade than what we became in 12th grade, but I still considered him my close friend owing to the long history we had shared.

There were some other school friends too whom I remember. There was Abhisek Mohanty, our Biolgy teacher's son. He was the best man in an argument and I always knew that noone can beat this dude in a friendly (or unfriendly) verbal fight. Then there was this haughty, hollow-inside group comprising of Preetam, Shivananda whom I always disliked cos they will never loose a chance to degrade you infront of bunch of girls or other smart ass friends of theirs to make an impression of themselves upon them, no matter how old your friendship might have been. They were friends with their kind of people only, as I believed. Then there was Rahul, the guy I hated the most throughout my school life. Although his younger brother was a gem, in his nature, but Rahul was a deeply selfish guy. We were friends too, since we had our houses nearby and he was also a teacher's son, like me and I used to hang out in his house alot when we were kids but as we grew old, he became more and more selfish as to the point that I couldn't stand his attitude anymore.

Among all my schooldays friends, there was only one, and only one person whom I admired, respected and adored truly as a friend, was Barun. He was such a jolly and innocent looking and selfless person and I always was bowled over by the purity of his heart and behavior. A true gem. Towards the end although he too became somewhat biased by being in the company of Preetam and Shiva and Rahul, and sometimes I didn't like him but when he wasn't with those guys, he was again the same, the pure form of himself. Thats why I liked him.

There were bunch of other friends too like Pankaj, with whom although my interactions were for small time but his jokes would always crack me up, I considered him a truly funny guy, pulling out jokes from nowhere and spoken as to bound to crack you up. Then there was Bittu, the living symbol of the result of a struggling family. His father had died long ago, his mother worked in the CRPF hospital as a nurse and wasn't earning much because in his house there would one find nothing except bare minimum stuff necessary for a living yet Bittu and his brother were fine, elegent gentleman type in their acts. They studied well too. Another person deserving a mention here is Jyoti Ranjan Mohapatra. He was in the C section (I was in A) and it was only during 11th and 12th grade that we came together to sit in one class, namely, the Science section. I spent my 2 years (11th and 12th) and major part, with him. We were in the same tuitions, same class. His unmatched quality to make fun of teachers, to be able to copy their expressions, voice, movements and everything and his ability to contrive his wildest imaginations and putting the teachers in there and make jokes around them influenced me so much, I must admit, today the person that I have become, the way I act, the way I try to make a joke and many more things are very much like Jyoti's. Except a few, I don't have contacts with these guys but I still remember their faces and occasional incidents, the moments I shared with them. Priceless!!!!

I was never comfortable talking with girls of my class. I remember faces of some of 'em, because they were cute and beautiful, but I don't have any moments, any conversation with them that I can recall. There was one girl, Smruti, whom I can consider as my best friend among girls because probably I spent more time talking with her during my school days than any other girl. She was also the school staff's daughter and lived in our own colony, which should explain the deeper acquaintance between us. Moreover, I think her mom also used to hate Rahul and so she would rather ask me to come over to her house and help her daughter with some questions in the history chapters than ask Rahul. Its a different thing that I would ask Rahul about the answer to those questions (for he was the topper in our class) and then go to Smruti's house and replicate the same answers on her notebooks. Smruti is in US, married and with a baby too. I am in touch with her, and I enjoy talking with her, remembering our good old CRPF days.

After 12th, I took a year's break, to prepare for my entrance exams. During that time I used to go to 2-3 places for my tuitions on Physics, Chemistry and Mathematics and I made some good friends there too but have lost contacts with all of them. During those days, I met with DibyaJyoti and we became instant friends, little did I know that this friendship will extend for another 6 years and during which time I'll come to know more of him and be influenced by his ideas.

The came the best 4 years of my life. My B-tech at NIT Rourkela. Staying away from home, for the first time, staying in a hostel with 300 other students and this for another 4 years and sure enough I met with some of the best people of this world and am glad of it. Among the closest friends I had when I left Rourkela was Ashwini Maharana. My best friend of NIT. A person of not so much of pure heart but still quite pure, not much of a funny guy but yet funny sometimes, not much of helpful yet very helpful almost all of the time, and moreover the one quality for which I'll always know him, Unlucky. No matter how careful he tries to be in every dealings of his, yet he would fall into some trap, be duped, made a scapegoat, always dominated by others. He was kind of the favorite, lovable by all others in the hostel and I take pride in the fact that he considered me his best friend, and we stayed in adjacent rooms during the final year, the year when students enjoy the college life the most. Although these days we talk less often but I still keeps an update on him. Next on the list would be Abhisek Bose definitely. The true prize of my 4 yrs at NIT. My only regret was, I got to meet and know him better only during the 3rd year but we became such good friends, I am sure we will remain the same till I breathe my last. He is the type of person that I am myself in many respect. Only that he has one more good quality, he has been very regular being in contact with me. I admit I sometimes don't feel like going out and reaching to my close friends, but Bose has never failed me in that front and I always feel like on top of world, cross my limits of ecstasy when I see Bose's call , or his "Hi" over gtalk. As I said, he is like my own reflection. Whenever I had asked him for any assistance, he was there with me even to the extent that he agreed to come with me to Puri on a stormy evening because I had this desire to spend a whole night on the beach. Not to mention that he made the arrangements for us to stay in a dharamshala which was on the beach itself. He truly is a true friend, above all. I would not have found the courage to visit Puri of my own, more so because it was raining cats and dogs those days and major parts of the state were under flood waters and as a matter of fact the following morning, ours was the last train from Puri to Bhubaneswar after which the railways services were disrupted between Puri and Bhubaneswar since waters had flooded the region. I'll always admire him for what he has been to me.

Apart from the two there were couple of others whom I consider close too, like Abhisek Saran, a pure, innocent and genius boy, Sibashish Acharya, a charismatic, life sacrificing friend, and many more.

Then came my two year stint as a software engineer working for Samsung, at Noida. And the single most influential people during this time on me was none other than Dibyajyoti. I must mention that he was with me at NIT too, all through the 4 years, he in mechanical branch, me in computer science but still living in the same hostel, with regular visits to each other's room and frequent hang outs but I never got to know him better. I must also mention that Barun and Preetam were with me too, in the NIT all through the 4 years, them in Mining (Barun changed to mechanical after 1st yr) but this was the time when I grew apart from Barun. He was spending his time mostly with Preetam and and his likes and was behaving like one of them when in their group but surprisingly he was the same old Barun again when alone. So I would talk to him only when I would see him alone or with other friends and avoided him otherwise (I avoided Preetam all the time). With Dibya, it was different. We were kinda close, good friends but I would say, never from within. When in Noida, he was to join CSC so he asked if we three (including Amartya, Samsung) could stay together and I agreed. I never expected to stay with him cos I never really knew him that well but I agreed because I thought its better to stay with someone whom I know something about than with some other guys whom I don't know anything about. While living with him, I would not hide the fact that we had numerous verbal arguments on myriad topics, his views rarely agreeing with mine or vice versa and yet we were hands and gloves on a lot of other matters. Although I used to be irritated alot by some of his acts, esp his casualness towards common household matters yet we both enjoy each other's company, we both would visit places together. Without doubt, he was the best thing, the best friend of mine in Noida's 2 years. We had the same feelings towards Amartya i.e sarcasm and we both kinda enjoyed it. Above all, gradually he made me realize there is no harm in buying a little luxury for yourself, now that we have started earning ourself handsome salaries. He made me realize money is not for stashing away someplace and living a beggar's life but living your life first and then stashing the leftover money. He made me realize that if I don't start living my life now, I might never get the same chance again, and I might as well save me some regret in future. He brought broadness into my thoughts and actions. I was no more irritated over messed up table or bed or be worried about my mobile or MP3 player not working. And this transformation has surely made me very very comfortable with people and things around me.

Then came my stint as a student again, this time in a whole different country, USA. While looking for roommates, owing to my broadness and highly evolved adjusting nature, I never cared with whom I would be living as roommates because I knew, whoever it may be, I'll be able to adjust. Luckily, I found Subrat and Ajit as the best roommates and in turn, friends that I could have found. Although the same doesn't go well with Bibhu because he has mannerisms typical of a geek, a class topper, a blend of selfishness and irritating behavior and uncomfortable with adjusting. In short, not at all open minded. No broad thinking, no broad perspective. He doesn't like sharing his bowls/plates etc for using in microwave by others, he keeps his charger nicely tucked away in his luggage and taking out only once in 4-5 days for charging purpose, doesn't like someone wearing his sandal even to walk inside the house etc etc. Well, I am too much evolved to worry myself over who is using my sandals or who is doing what with my plates/bowls and Subrat and Ajit are exactly like me too and thats why I bond so well with them. Such sense of freedom to use others stuff without feeling any 2nd thoughts invokes a feeling of brotherhood between people and thats why I donot think anything otherwise, no guilty, no shame, nothing, to use Ajit/Subrat's plate or his hard disk or his laptop without his permission, I use it as if its my thing and they use my stuff without any question and seeing them use my stuff I feel very very happy in the fact that they thought me as close enough to use my stuff without asking me anything, as if its all theirs. It makes me feel like we are all brothers. I agreed with Ajit when he said people's perception, thinking, actions are broadened, matured when he has been under a period of financial independence like the time we had(Ajit, Subrat and I have atleast 2 yrs of work experience) and sadly this is absent in Bibhu. May be its true but sometimes I think Bibhu would still remain Bibhu even if he would have 5 yrs of experience earning money. No doubt, Ajit and Subrat are the best things that have happened to me in USA. And Bibhu has been my worst.

This is where I would stop. This is where I am right now but I am sure I'll have more things to fill this place when I move on to new adventures. But one thing is for sure. I am proud of all the friends I have made. They are all exceptional people and I consider myself very fortunate to have company like these.

I miss my past

Its been 4 months since I have been to US and not a single day has passed without me missing my days back in India. With each passing day the thoughts are more and more pronounced. Every now and then something reminds me of my past life and the whole past flashes in front of my eyes like a movie clip with a strong background music going on and pieces from here and there making up the movie. Sometimes I see myself shouting at the top of my voice at one of my college's party night, I am jumping and dancing, the next moment I see myself in the midst of my friends and we are having a great time. I see myself going to office, I see myself making jokes with my teammates, I am having a party with my friends, I am going to see a movie with my friends, I am travelling, I am at the top of the mountain and remembering all my tours, I am with my cousin brother at Chittaur, I am at Manali with my office buddies, I am clicking pictures, I am sleeping back at home, the Blueline line bus ride from New-Delhi to Noida. Oh now I curse myself why I didn't use my time at Noida to see the Delhi at its best.

There is a lot of things to be done in life and every now and then I remember my times back home and not stop thinking if I could have used my time in a better way.

The US life is making me miserable from within. There is limited fun here and I thank my life I have some exciting friends here with me without whom it would have been hard to survive the days. The lack of money is forcing me to stay indoors and better not to start about studies. During semester, its only studies. I now see the pressure of securing a nice GPA. Never felt the need for it before but here it counts, and its everything. So now I have to study like never before and its hard to concentrate also. I am not used to studying seriously and at a stretch. I am worried about my grades. I have already kinda screwed up one paper. Two papers remaining and exams are 5 days away. Its hard for me to sit down and like study 2-3 chapters at a length and be done with it. I always think of doing something like it but I fail everytime. Every 15-20 mins I need a break. He he he. Yeah, thats how I study.

It even saddens me more that my life is going to be colorless and uncool for the next 2-3 years.

When I was in India, I was sure that I wouldn't miss my past. I was sure I am that macho not to remember the fun days and be sad about it. I thought I am over it. When I was in Noida, I would often miss my home but I was more controlling than others. In US, its a whole new story. I am so much far away from my house, my friends, my family that I miss them dearly.

The samsung days were fun. I was getting more money than I think I deserved. Although I became complacent but still, the money was good. It took care of my basic needs and travellings, parties, movies, beers etc. I loved that life. The financial independence brought a lot of fun to me. It changed me a lot also. I became more and more free, open. Not restricting myself to anything. My motto was There is no use of this money if it doesn't bring me happiness. So I spend it whenever, wherever I wanted not caring about savings or future. That brings me to my second motto, One can never be sure about how things will turn up in future, 5 yrs down the line one can only say that I may or may not be able to do this but now, I can definitely do this and have fun. Absolute surety at present is better than doubt in future. And moreover, after 5 yrs, I don want to think like I should have done this when I had the opportunity.

I remember the infinite visits to the malls, to the markets. The fun get together at the lunch table when the whole of AV team would come along and bring in new gossips. It was fun to know strange things about other people, half true half imaginary. The annual office party was one other thing to cherish. So much fun man!!! Loads of dancing, shouting. Its nothing but letting yourself loose. The other thing I miss is attending colleague's marriage party. Its kinda different get-together. Meeting your office friends, outside office, like in real life, like they are your real life friends. It was always fun and more fun if the marriage is some 4hr drive from the city. Awesome. We play all sorts of games on our way in the car. Like listening to the radio and guessing the song from the opening music, like waving to people outside and capturing their puzzled face in your mind and laugh thinking about it afterwards.

One of my teammate is going to marry in may next year and I am suddenly so depressed. He was my best bud in the office and damn I'll miss his marriage party. It kills me. I long for that kind of get-together party. Good friends make a special impact in your life, isn't it?

I have got some good friends here also. My roomies are simply superb. There is this girl who is also very close to me.In-fact she is close to everyone. She is funny and I kinda like her alot. I like talking with her, I like being with her but now this is killing me softly. She has got a boy friend already and these days not a single day goes by without me cursing myself why I met her. everytime I talk to her, I want to feel as if there is something between us beyond normal friendship, but I know she cannot be mine. It kills me everytime I remind myself that she has got a boy friend. I always wanted to he hers but..............

These days I try to avoid her and restrict myself. The more I talk with her, the more painful its for me to separate. Although I joke about her relationship, make fun of it but from inside, I feel someone took away one of my hand. From inside, I become like dead serious. The feelings are one sided and would remain like that. And it is more depressing that she would never know I had such strong feelings for her. I won't tell her anything. She is happy with her beau. I don't wanna ruin her life by introducing more complexities. I am also dead sure she would reject me if I propose. Anyone at her place would do the same. There is only one happy ending to this. If she feels something for me too and if its more than normal, may be she would come to me but that is highly likely so the sad ending is that I have drink this poison for the next 2 yrs that we will be around.

Man! Know I feel how one feels when in Love. She magnifies my good feeling when we would be talking, I can hardly imagine how elated I would be if she were my girl friend. Enough of imagination................

one of those better days

Well, yeah. What a lame title to begin with but honestly, I couldn't find anything better. Its been in my head since evening, since the time I started my ride back to home from the university.

There were lots of things happening to me today. For starters, I got a Historian post of the students association body of the computer science dept. Thankyou very much. Appreciate it!

And that sums it up. Yeah, the other major advantage was I got some breakthrough in my parallelizing project. There is this awesome project in which we have to pick an algorithm and device methods to run it using thousands of processors. I am doing it in CUDA which I can only say till now is awesome to look and study about it in the surface, but when you actually get down to writting kernels, and start dealing with keywords like shared memory, for loop, threadId.x etc etc, life begins to suck. Yeah. Trust. Starting days with compiling and running stuffs will be frustrating but later on it will go great when you actually some in terms to know how this thing actually works. Yeah, its awesome. You know what, people still have genius instincts in them. I thought that era is over.

How do you react when you are given certain responsibilities? Something out of your bound, you never expected it and boom!!!! you are in for a surprise because the mailman just delivered to you a post of manager (read historian) at some crazy going association. Suddenly I am elevated to a height from where I can see everyone else, and vice versa.

Speaking of which I remember my algorithms teacher here. He is such a great guy and teaches like it will blow your mind off but guess what, I do him in the class. Yeah, he looks so funny to me and not only me but everyone else. In fact majority of my friends do him. We pick on him, we copy him, we comment, we gesture, we do anything humanely possible to get a crack out him. He is kinda a romeo type guy. I mean he is married and must be having a beautiful wife with kids but I don know why he seems to be excited to see the video recorder hot university girl. He sometimes even visit her in the recorder room to say that he is ready to start the video and some other times if there is a guy, he would just thumbs up from the dais.

But tell ya what? I like the education here. Although an M-Tech from one of the IITs wouldn't have been that bad either, but its good here too. Yeah the price is a concern but with banks like SBI and loan rate like 10.5, I would say, Suck on that!!!!!!!!!

Speaking of loan, I cant get a good night sleep at night. Its my first albatross around my neck. Yes, trust me, I consider it as a chain, holding me from going out and enjoying my life and time. I can't eat outside, I can't go bungee jumping, i can't go scuba diving, I can't go sky-diving. Oh my God!!!!!!!!!!!

My life was awesome when I was in job. I was into money. I was travelling places. I was doing crazy stuffs and enjoying it. I liked my colleagues. But then this thought was bothering me all through my time after B-Tech. Why should I be satisfied with bachelors only? Why cant I go higher, like masters or doctors? Every other guy is a bachelors now. What makes me different than other? I am different. I want to be different. I don wanna stand in my marriage mandap and have people talk that ooohh he has done his bachelors and others go like, wht??? even my waste niece is an MBA, couldn't this guy try any harder to study more about earthly stuffs.

Its not about going around shutting up other people. Its about shutting up the person looking you through the mirror. How can you avoid that. Its like ignoring the person which plays a record player in your mind and there seems to be only one thing coming out of that player, "Inspite of knowing you can do it, you never had the guts to do it".

Atleast after taking the jump from clean tap water to the sewer, I silence those people. Yeah, job life was awesome. The financial independence, the new friends made whom I miss so dearly and now from that to this, a huge loan on your back, student again and unemployed and expenses don't seem to stop.

The return is sometimes satisfying, thts when you compile the program and get the desired result and sometimes frustrations, thats when you just missed the bus and now you are 5 mins late to the one class where in the teacher uses the first 5 mins to introduce us to the topic that he would be teaching today and the introduction helps you understand the head and tail of rest of the lecture. You miss the intro, you practically miss the whole lecture. Damn those bus drivers. Damn me!!!!!!

A failed day!

Disappointments are part of everyone's life. Sometimes you remember one particular day when you had multiple failures and you are forced to think, whats wrong with me?

I had my moments. There was this one friday, the first friday of the semester and the friday of "Gator nights". Every friday, the university organises a party sort of thing. There are multiple events held on that day, many games, fun shows, gifts, free midnight breakfast, Movie show and free popcorn and soda.

This fateful friday, I have all wrapped up my university business in time to reach the main building called Reitz Union the experience my first ever party here. When I reach there sharp 6:30 pm, I see a big, very big line of people. I saw it from a distance and thought may be its for the movie. There were 3 shows, one at 6:30, another at 9:30 and last one at 11:30pm. I was startled to see the line and disappointed too. I didn't anticipated such a rush. Then it became clear to me, I can't see the 6:30 show, so better I find some other engagement and try for the 9:30 show. Then it dawned on me that there is a Krishna temple notoriously famous for having free friday dinner, called Krishna dinner. I only had a vague idea that its nearby the university, but where exactly, I didn't know. So I called up couple of my friends and got this girl who had been there. I asked her for directions and headed that way.

Add to my misery, she never had a clear sense of directions, so it took me lot of running, walking, sitting, through all the hunting thing before I finally reach the Krishna temple after 1hr. I entered and the Kirtan was going on. I humbly sat down in a corner, waiting for the food time. I had in mind its served around 8pm. So I sat there, anticipating. The Kirtan finally ended and I survived but then some guy comes along and announces the presence of some great Hindu guy called Maharaj sri sri guru Bla Bla to give us a Pravachan (holy speech).

O My God!!!!!!! A Pravachan now........ I was like going nuts, wanting to chew my throat in. For an atheist like me, Pravachan is like dropping a nuclear bomb on me. Well, it exploded and caused casualties. All through his lectures, stories, myths and what not, I was going crazy by every passing moment. At every statement I wanted to jump out and question him. The thought of food drove me all through this and I thought I'll hold on for some more time. 8pm.....8:30pm......9pm. Its crossing my threshold level and my movie is about to start and I badly need some time to clear my mind from the religious shit. At 9:15, I could wait no longer. I stood up, made my way through the devotees sitting there, picked up my bag and rammed the door while leaving and I am pretty sure the whole way, the holy dude must be watching me and asking himself why I had to leave.

I started running as soon as I came out. My show is only 15 mins away and I can expect some crowd too, so I ran, ran like my life is in stake. Panting and gasping I finally reached the Reitz Union. I found out one need to take a wrist band first before joining the party and that had some people in line. I took my band, and rushed to the 2nd floor only to see a big line by the side of the auditorium door. Without questions, I simply joined the last guy in the line. I have been there for 20 mins or so, when I hear someone screaming, "If someone here is not standing for Popcorn, you can volunteer for help at the front desk for 10 mins". I didn't get the message as a whole but I realized I am standing in the wrong line. I walked to the front to see the popcorn machine and some dude handing out popcorn bags to the people in the queue and that auditorium door happened to be a side door while the main entrance door was 20ft further from the popcorn machine. I ran towards it only to see a girl standing there and telling people the hall is full and repeating "I am sorry".

That was very disappointing. Especially when I saw my roommates getting inside it while I was standing outside. Damn.

11:30 show is my last chance. I promised myself no matter what happens I'll be here by 11:15. So I took off, went from one event place to another only to be greeted by a huge line that would demoralize me to death. Luckily I was in time for a BINGO game and that took care of my 45 mins but I still had bad luck follow me there. Missing the BING-O moment by one or two pieces only. After some moments here and there, I reach the auditorium entrance in time only to find another mind boggling huge line. Where did all these people come from? Are they all in the university? It never occurred to me this huge number. I followed the line and at every corner I was surprised of its length. Finally I stood at the last. The line began to move and so did I and all the time I was telling myself don't loose hope, you'll get in there. And I did get in the hall only to find the front row seats free. Something is better than nothing so I picked the best one from the pool and made myself comfortable. The movie was Star Trek and I kinda dislike such movies (sci-fi space related movies) but still I tried to enjoy it. Soon I fell asleep only to wake up 10 minutes before the credits roll. It rolled and I yawned.

Movie experience was okay. Atleast I had an experience now. Next was midnight breakfast, scheduled to be on from 12:30am. I reached the food court only to see couple of guys sitting around tables and a large sign by the counter, "Food stocks over for tonight. Sorry."

That was the cherry on top. Perfect end to a perfect day. I came home hungry and slept before hunger could start bothering me.

Why we need friends?

Sometimes we attach undue importance to things around us. It happened with me also.

I have been planning to persue my higher studies ambition and got admit into one university also. So my US visa is coming up. The visa deal is giving me nightmares. I have been reading about it in multiple forums. There are loads of information on this. The visa process itself is very tiring. Initially I was completely clueless as what to do next after I have recieved my I-20 from the university. Then one of my friend gave me a document where the visa process was listed step wise. Exactly the thing I wanted. I went through it.

I filled up the visa forms online and provided informations to the best of my knowledge and which were true. I had read many students visa experiences, and the reject cases were where they have provided contradictory informations or something which showed that the student is trying to hide something. Although the student may have honest feelings but the visa officer will only think he is a potential immigrant. Moreover, the visa approval or rejection is solely on the visa officer. If he wishes it to be approved, he will approve, he can put it in hold or he can reject. Honesty is the only thing we can show.

So my forms are filled up, I took their prints, put them in my office drawer and leave for home. The visa date is 2 weeks away. These 2 weeks I am collecting and arranging my finances and necessary documents. I am being particularly careful about their genuineness. All this 2 weeks I am thinking only about visa. If visa is approved then no issue but what if I am given a reject. All the visa procedure to be repeated again and I would have to complete all this in 1 month, thats the time I'll be in Noida after which I'll leave for my hometown. All these thoughts were my food and water for 2 weeks.

2 days before the D-day, I brought the visa forms from office to home. I had a look at it. All information seems good but I noticed in the permanent address column of one of the form, I had mentioned my current address, the Noida address, which I would be leaving in 1 month. At that time I didn't care. Then I arranged my documents in my folder.

You wouldn't believe but the night before the D-day, I even saw a dream where my visa was rejected and I am devastated, thats when I woke up, 1 hour before my scheduled time of getting up for that day. I woke up with my hands and feets shaking but then I thought its merely a dream. That helped me cool down a bit. I thought of looking into my documents once again and I saw the faulty address column but this time I am feeling damn scared. Suddenly I am thinking what a grave mistake have I done and to add to it, how could I ignore it when I knew about it?

My thoughts:

The visa people are smart. They have time and again mentioned that your information should always tally with that of your passport. When I had applied for my passport, I must definitely have given my permanent address but in this form my permanent address is something else. The visa guy will only feed in my passport number and Bam!! my life history is in front of him and ofcourse he will see the discrepancy in the addresses. What will he do then. He will ask me about it. I will act surprised as how could this happen and continuing my acting, I'll tell him its an honest mistake which I am discovering now. He won't buy it. He will tell me how come you can be so careless, how is it possible you not discovering it when you had 2 weeks time and then I'll try to give him excuses (with my innocent facial expressions) but he wont listen and he will hand me a reject. OR, I can admit that yes thats a mistake and I thought it won't matter much and he would scold me as how could I think of that, address is very important piece of information esp permanent address which I have tampered with and he could have a feeling that may be I did it intentionally so Bam!!! visa rejected under case of forgery. God forbid, a reject section under forgery will forever deny my possibility of a US visa and so my higher studies (and world tour) plan will be doomed. O My God!!!! So being mum about it is not an option because if I remain silent and the matter comes up to the visa officer then its a clear sign of forgery.

So one more thing I can do. The moment I reach the embassy, I will tell the authorities about it. They will be dumbfounded as how could I be so careless, they may doubt my honesty also. They will most probably suggest me to reapply for visa again and in that case its not a solution to me atleast. It is the same as a reject, the only consolation is that the visa guy will not know about me hence will not doubt my honesty the next time I appear in front of him for my visa. But I don't want this.

One more thing I can do. Let me call the New Delhi visa help center and explain them the situation and ask for advice. I cannot change the info myself as it is the D-day and not "atleast 3 days before the D-day" but may be they can change it. But why would they believe me? Suppose I tell them about my mistake they may not be of much help except they will add a suspicion star mark in my visa profile. And when the visa guy will open my bio data, he will see the '*' mark in red and he will give me a reject. Simple.

So these are the things I am thinking. All roads lead to visa reject and a loss of face. I even tried calling the help center but it was not 8 yet. I was unable to think anything else. Couldn't eat. Brushed and bathed in a hurry. I am tossing around the house, sweating, shaking. Anxiously waiting for the clock to tick 8. All these time I have heard how the visa guys appreciate honesty and so I decided to tread the path of honesty. I was waiting for 8'o clock when I'll call the help center. Whatever happens next, will be dealt with.

Then one of my roommate came home from his shift, the other one was sleeping. I consider myself to be able to take decisions, I consider myself to be brave, bold and courageous so while I was in the middle of a crisis, I find no reason to talk about it with my friends. But looking at my nervous face, my roommate couldn't help but ask me about it. I then explained it to him and he was so casual about it as if its not at all a big deal. I was angry. In the meantime my second roommate woke up. When he heard about the same, he behaved the same, casual. They both said, don't worry, its nothing, people do change their addresses and moreover they had your data for 2 weeks and they would have done something if it were such a big deal. And I thought Yeah, what do you guys know about this? you have never been into a visa interview before, you don't know what kind of things the visa guy looks for in the candidate before he grants it and you have absolutely no idea how a visa reject is going to change everything afterwards. Why should I listen to you pricks. You have never read thousands of visa experiences posted by students, and the kind of stuffs that attracts a reject. I know only one thing. One must be honest for a visa accept, I am an honest student and I stand to prove my honesty so I'll go ahead and tell them about it whether its a big deal or not.

My friends told me again and again. Its not a big deal. Address change is nothing. It is highly unlikely that he will notice this. Even if he asks, whats the harm to tell that your noida address is your permanent address. I assure you they won't question you anything. Moreover, you remain silent about this thing and there is a chance that nothing happens ofcourse there is a small risk but once you make that call, everything will be changed. New scenarios will arise and new decisions will have to be taken in hurry. You must believe me as a friend, nothing will happen. Just chill, be calm, be smiley, be the most innocent and cute guy in front of visa guy and everything will be fine. Trust me.

My second friend was also supporting him. Hearing both them out was helping me calm down. Moreover I was scared about the whole repeatation of process if I let them know about it. May be its not that much of a big deal. May be I am just exaggerating. May be I need to remain calm about this. May be I need not think anymore about this and May be I should do this.

So, with the words of my friends, I decided to stay silent as if its nothing. I felt very relieved. Took some food, hugged my friends, took their good lucks and left for interview. The whole time I tried not to think about it. Soon my number came. The guy asked me mere formal questions like which specialization, what other universities I applied for etc. Three questions and I heard the magic words, "Ok Kundan, your visa will be couriered to you in 3-4 days. Have a nice day."

I was so happy. Everything went fine. Just as my friends had told. He didn't even ask me anything about my finances, the address thing was a far cry. I was such a relieved man. Thinking about how I was reacting to the address issue, made me laugh. I was being such a baby which is totally opposite of what is true as I consider myself cool, atleast have seen many sissies in my life who totally loose control of their gear over minor to minor issues and I laugh on them but today I was being one among them. I also couldn't help think as to the course of my life, had I not discussed it with my friends. It was only on the consoling words of my friends that helped me divert a lot of stress.

Only then I could know, why we need friends. Alone, we are vulnerable to chaos. With friends, things become easy, comfy, smooth. Really, I never felt the importance of a friend before that day. There may have been numerous instances where my friends have helped me but I only realised it on my visa day, may be because it was the time I dearly needed a friend and I am glad I had two friends with me. I now know only one thing, issue may be big or small but we need friends. Friends are important.